While the holiday season is meant to bring comfort, joy and togetherness – the pressures and stress that can accompany this time of year can take a toll on people’s physical and mental health. This is a guide to help make more easeful food choices and feel more confident in the midst of triggering diet talk.
Cope Ahead
The first step to setting yourself up for success around the holidays is to first become aware of what the biggest challenges typically are for you during this season. Is it the overwhelming amount of food choices that may be present at the event? Is it a particular family member that always seems to want to talk about their weight loss goals? Is it the comments that are made on your food choices or the temptation to compare your plate with everyone else’s food choices? Once you bring awareness to what particularly has made the holidays challenging for you in the past, you can prepare a “cope ahead” plan to help you better prepare yourself for this coming season.
What does that look like?
While we can’t predict the future, we can certainly prepare for instances that have commonly occurred in the past to help us practice new skills and create outcomes that are more aligned with our goals. If your goal is to create a better relationship with food and your body, maybe there are experiences around the holidays that make this goal particularly challenging. Coping ahead for these scenarios is a great first step to staying on track with your personal goals during this busy season.
Step 1: Identify the cueing event
Examples:
- Family members making comments about your body, or their own
- Fear foods are present at the event
- Plate comparisons
- Allergens affecting the safety of the meal
Step 2: Identify what skills could be helpful in the event that you are cued or triggered
Examples:
- Redirecting the conversation away from body talk and towards another shared interest
- Self-soothe when feelings of guilt and shame are present
- Practice minding your plate and remind yourself of your individual needs
- Communicate needs prior to event, or prepare foods that you know will be safe for you to consume
Step 3: Assess barriers to performing skills in the moment and prepare ahead of time
Examples:
- Coming up with conversation starters that could shift away from diet or body talk
- Practice self soothing techniques to find what works best for you – paced breathing, distraction, temperature control
- Remind yourself of your long term goals and how your individual needs may be different than others around you
- Prepare a dish that you know will be safe for you to consume at the event or check in with the host of the event prior to see what’s on the menu
Redirecting Conversations
The holidays are often centered around meals and comforting foods that can offer specific challenges to those healing their relationship with food and body. It can be even more challenging if fad diets and body judgements are discussed around the meal or are common topics of conversation within your family or social group. Here are some tips that can help you feel more empowered to shift the conversation or avoid the topic altogether. The route you choose will depend on the person you practice on, and how comfortable you may feel at this point to open up about your needs.
1.) Distance
This option is best used when you are not sure how to respond in an effective way, and might not feel comfortable setting a boundary with the person or people that the conversation is with. This step is to simply distance yourself and step away from where the topic at hand is being discussed. Maybe your aunt has begun talking about that one celebrity who lost all that weight and you respond by excusing yourself to the bathroom or to take a phone call. Oftentimes conversations come and go and by the time you are back there may be a new and less cueing or challenging topic being discussed.
2.) Diverge
In other words, change the subject. An example of this could be that your Mom looks at her plate and exclaims “Wow, I’m going to have to spend some extra time at the gym tomorrow after eating all of these calories”. Your response may sound something like, “Hey! That just reminded me of a show I’ve been meaning to talk to you about, have you seen the latest HBO psychological thriller?” Even if it’s seemingly unrelated, you do have the power to shift the conversation entirely.
3.) Divulge
This route can be challenging, but the more you practice the more comfortable it may become. This is the practice of setting a boundary for yourself in the moment and sharing truthfully why you would rather change the subject. For instance, if a family member is trying to relate by discussing the diet they plan on starting right after the holidays are over, but this no longer aligns with your individual goals, you could share with them that you are on a personal journey of accepting your body and that you would prefer to avoid topics related to dieting and weight loss.
We cannot control what conversations will come up around the holidays or at social gatherings, but we can control how we respond.
How we talk to ourselves is just as important
One of the most powerful strategies to enact during stressful moments is your self-talk or mantras. These are like little mental safety nets, ready to catch you when you are teetering on the edge of negativity or self-doubt. Here are some helpful statements to remember when you need that gentle nudge toward a more neutral mindset:
“My body is my home.”
We encourage people to focus on moving toward body neutrality when they’re in the midst of their critical thought patterns. Instead of trying to swing the pendulum from negative to positive, first just try to move from negative to neutral. Embrace the idea that your body is your sanctuary, your place of existence.
“My body keeps me alive.”
Statements like these can help reinforce the merits of our bodies in a way that’s separated from size, shape or appearance.
“I am worthy of love and respect.”
Recognize your inherent worthiness of love and respect, both from others and, most importantly, from yourself.
“I am still learning how to best care for my body and meet its needs.”
Learning and applying new skills is hard work! It’s a long process of unlearning when we commit to rejecting the diet mentality and diet culture as a whole. No one is perfect and you are going to have mix-ups. Remembering that you’re still learning how to navigate a world steeped in diet culture can help you adopt a beginner’s mindset and show yourself more grace.
Our providers here at Rooted Path can also offer more guidance around your individual challenges and needs this time of year – don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a consultation today for additional support during this holiday season.